25 Things

My Bucket List


1. See the Mona Lisa

2. Create an original recipe

3. Publish an article

4. Attend the weddings of my children

5. Write a letter to myself as a child

6. Celebrate my 25th wedding anniversary

7. See a shooting star

8. Forgive my father

9. Finish reading Anna Karenina

10. Write a novel

11. Make a difference in someone's life

12. See the Dave Matthews Band in concert with my husband

13. Decode a dream

14. Visit California wine country

15. Pet a kangaroo

16. See the Taj Mahal at sunset

17. Stand in the middle of Time Square

18. Celebrate the New Year in 2055

19. See the pyramids

20. Get over my fear of heights

21. So that I can see the Grand Canyon

22. Take a cross country trip with my husband

23. Discover my ancestry

24. See a Broadway show

25. Be a Grandmother

There has been a lot of talk about The Duggars recently. In December they welcomed their 19th child into the world. The Duggars live just outside of Springdale Arkansas and are the subject of a TLC reality show.

The story starts with Mom, Michelle and Dad, Jim Bob. They met in the early 80's through church connections and married in 1984. At the time of their marriage Michelle took the pill believing that they were not ready for children yet. In 1988 the first baby Duggar Joshua was born. Michelle went back on the pill after his birth. She then conceived and miscarried. The family doctor pointed out that it was a possibility when taking the pill. Jim Bob and Michelle were devastated. As they saw it this conflicted with their pro-life beliefs. They made the choice then to discontinue the use of all birth control. They have since added 18 children to their clan.

As conservative Christians the Duggars have many other interesting family convictions. All of the children are home schooled. They do not own a television. Internet access is strictly monitored and very limited in their home. The Duggars do not partake in dancing, drink any kind of alcohol, or wear anything shorter than the knee. That last rule must be a little uncomfortable during summers in the deep south. Another interesting Duggar fact is that they live debt free. They own several properties that they rent out to make ends meet.

The most recent birth for the Duggar family saw the 19th child entering the world in physical distress. Michelle was hospitalized because of pain from gall stones. During her time in the hospital she was diagnosed with preeclampsia, which is high blood pressure induced by pregnancy. Preeclampsia can be a significant risk after multiple pregnancies, as well as being fatal for Mom and baby if it is left untreated. Unfortunately the only treatment is to end the pregnancy and deliver the baby. Josie Brooklyn was born 15 weeks early. She has had a remarkable recovery despite all of the obstacles in front of her.

The Duggars are followers of the evangelical christian movement called Quiverful which preaches against all form of birth control believing that God opens and closes the womb at his will. The Quiverful movement also teaches that men are leaders and require women to be submissive. Tragically the movement garnered negative press when follower Andrea Yates drowned her own children in the family bathtub. Andrea was told by a psychiatrist not to have more children because of her history of postpartum depression. Andrea's husband, a preacher and fellow Quiverful follower encouraged her to stop taking her medication and conceive their 5th child to disastrous results.

The Duggars have been called selfish, addicted to pregnancies, and even crazy. They have been accused of having children in order to be on TV. People just can't believe that they take care of so many children without public assistance. Fans and critics alike have expressed concern for Michelle's health after so many pregnancies. Despite this, the show 19 Kids and Counting documents a happy, beautiful family. By all accounts The Duggars are warm, kindhearted people who are pillars of their community.

I believe the answer comes down to the personal freedom afforded every person in this country. For the Duggars it is a pro-life issue. For me, it is a pro-choice issue. As I believe that every woman has the right to make the choice that is best for them regarding abortion. I also believe every woman has the right to make the choice to have as many children as they can take care of. For me, it's that simple. What do you think?

The World of Child Beauty Pageants

In the 20's an Atlantic City hotel owner conceived the American Beauty Pageant as a way to keep guests in the area after the tourist season concluded. Little Miss pageants didn't join them until the 1960's. For contestants ages 0-18 categories can include talent, interview, sportswear, swimwear, western, outfit of choice, and evening wear. Child beauty pageants are a billion dollar a year business. Until recently this was strictly an American past time. It can cost between $300-$5000 to enter your child into a pageant.

Pageant judges are looking for the girl that is the total package. While every competition is different there is a standard in the industry. For a natural pageant girls are encouraged to look their age without make up. Glitz pageants are an entirely different beast. A glitz girl's road to the crown starts with a headshot. The photograph is expected to be retouched in several areas including skin smoothing, blemish removal, adding blush, eyebrow thickening, adding of make up, tan, eyelashes, eye color enhancement, tooth whitening, and lip shine. The resulting picture often looks like a cartoon version of the original. Contestants one up their headshots on the stage with glamor make up, artificial hair pieces, and overlays for teeth known as flippers. The winners often walk away with nice cash prizes. Even cars are awarded in some of the bigger pageants.

Americans are fascinated with the subject of young girls glitz pageants. TLC and WE are both running documentary style shows on the subject. HBO's Living Dolls documented the making of a child beauty queen in 2001. Even BBC has its own documentary on the subject called Painted Babies. All of these programs focus on the controversial side of pageantry. Mothers are shown pushing their daughters to practice their modeling routines. The little girls are shown at the times when they are the most frustrated. None of these documentaries give a well rounded picture of what the experience is like for the contestants.

Observers critiquing pageants often note that the make up and costumes sexualize young children. They fear that girls featured in competitions like this will grow up to value looks over personality. Many people believe that it is the dream of the parent to see their offspring in lights and not at all what the child wants. All of these aspects have been highlighted in the tv shows that bring pageantry to our living rooms.

The JonBenet Ramsey murder case first brought pageantry into a negative light for mainstream America. JonBenet was a child beauty queen who held numerous major titles at the time of her murder. She lived a privileged lifestyle in Boulder Colorado. Home videos of her in various glitz costumes and heavy make up were splashed across news media in the days following her death. Leaps were made by reporters who often tied the tragic event to her exposure in pageants. There has been no evidence of that. Unfortunately there has been no evidence that has lead to the monster that took JonBenet from her family at all. We may never know if pageants had anything to do with JonBenet's murder. Since the media coverage of the case most pageants across the country have adopted a closed door policy for the safety of their contestants. Usually only the parents of contestants are allowed to watch the girls compete. Often girls are preforming before many empty seats and a panel of judges.

On the other side advocates for pageantry say that what the girls are really learning include lessons in poise and public speaking. Annette Hill is the owner and director of the Universal Royalty pageants, awarding some of the most coveted crowns in the business. She noted on the Tyra Banks show that girls are not being sexualized in these events. She believes it is the same as the girls playing dress up. Many pageant insiders believe that beauty is important, and simply a fact of living in America that must be accepted in order to succeed. Time and time again pageant mothers insist that their girls love what they do and that it is enriching to their lives.

The pageant debate is a heated one for most of us. They seem to be the kind of thing that you either love or you hate. Little girls in the south dream of doing the pageant wave to a serenade of the Miss America song. In California girls aspire to one day ride the rose queen's float on New Year's Day. It is a part of our culture. The competitive aspect is something pageants share with many other activities children are involved in including all sports. However, there is no other competition where a person is judged based on their looks.

Many psychologists believe that exposing a child to that kind of pressure is risking self esteem issues. Although the public regularly expresses concern about pedophiles frequenting such events, there has been no evidence to show that this happens. Many former child beauty queens have spoken fondly of their time on the pageant stage. Leslie Butler was one of the subjects of the HBO Documentary Living Dolls. By all accounts she is a well adjusted high school student today with a great life. The girls from BBC's Painted Babies were also documented again when they were 17. Both girls were poised and accomplished at this age. There has been no indication of problems caused by pageantry involvement. It seems to me that the problems with pageant involvement have more to do with the parents themselves than the competition. Competing on the pageant stage is a personal choice that I believe every family has the right to make.